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Enjoy the reading :)

Let me know in the comments below of what you thought of the story. And how I portrayed Jeff as well.

NOTE: Yes, the fan fiction does have some small changes in it, but I went in and edited them to make it even better. (My aunt helped me edit this.)

Jeff the Killer (c): Rightful owner<img src="cdncache1-a.akamaihd.net/items…" style="border: none !important; display: inline-block !important; text-indent: 0px !important; float: none !important; font-weight: bold !important; height: 10px !important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px !important; min-height: 0px !important; min-width: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; vertical-align: super !important; width: 10px !important; text-transform: uppercase !important; background: transparent !important;">
Other characters plus the fanfiction (c): Sniperkitteh52 (me)

Chapter One: here
Chapter Two: sniperkitteh52.deviantart.com/…
Chapter Three: sniperkitteh52.deviantart.com/…
Chapter Four:
Mature
© 2012 - 2024 Sniperkitteh52
Comments332
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Lesliewifeofbath's avatar
I think this is a good start, but here's some pointers and suggestions:

First and foremost: Watch Silence of the Lambs

A serial killer would be heavily guarded. I'm not buying his easy escape.

You wrote Jeff the Killer really well.  Your work was very descriptive and that's a huge plus, but Amanda, Kyle and the other characters were kind of stiff.  Here's an example:


I didn't know whether to turn down the offer or to take it up. Jeff the Killer has caused so much damage towards everyone, that the mere thought of being in the same room with him was scary. I know what Jeff looks like and the mental image alone was enough to freak anyone out, but being in his presence… it's unimaginable. Kyle spoke up and said that he would take the interview if I took it as well and looks at me with a straight face, but his eyes were pleading with me to take it as well because he didn't want to do this alone. He was just as afraid of Jeff as I was, if not, terrified. Kyle had a run in with Jeff on a live report and almost died by his hands.  I took the interview up, mainly for fear of losing Kyle.. 

Here's a suggestion to cut down on extra words:

I didn't know whether to turn down the offer or to take it up. Jeff the Killer was murderously insane and thought of being in the same room with him was terrifying. Just the image of his face sent chills down my spine. Kyle spoke up immediately and stated he wanted to interview Jeff, though he looked nervously to me. His eyes pleaded silently, begging me to come along for the ride and I knew why. Kyle had nearly lost his life to Jeff and I knew he couldn't face this monster alone--and I couldn't face losing Kyle.

This paragraph is a bit awkward; you have many questions, yet you're not allowed to ask them? He agreed to the interview, but doesn't want to be asked personal questions? That doesn't make much sense. 

Kyle and I left for the asylum the day after we took up the interview with this Jeff the Killer. Both Kyle and I had pages and pages of questions that wanted to be answered, both personal questions dealing with himself and his past. We were both advised to keep the interview short as possible because Jeff apparently didn't have a lot of patience with people, especially if they were poking into his past life.

Here's a suggestion:

Though we had reams of paper full of questions, we were advised to keep the interview short. Apparently, Jeff the Killer possessed little in the way of patience, thus we had to keep the interview short and to the point.

Also, the interview needs some work. Why wouldn't have Jeff been told he was going to be interviewed? Also--and this is coming from a former journalist--you don't ask your subjects to quit interrupting. You're on their time and you want to draw the person out.